the last 13 months

we were happy werent we? its so sad that it has to end this way... all i think about is are you ok? are you eating well? how did your day go? so  many things i want to ask but i cant anymore. you were the one person i wanted to tell every little thing to. i guess now its back to blogging for me. cos i can no longer do that.

why are you not there when i was hurting the most? when i needed a hug the most? you to tell me everything was going to be ok....why did you do this to me?

i feel like the pain of having someone dear to me pass  away is easier to take than to have my heartbroken.

you promised me i will never be alone. i am so angry that i cant blame anyone but you. but i dont want to.

i lost the fight. but why didnt you fight for us? i didnt want to fight it anymore, i didnt want to make you feel more worst than you already felt. so i gave up like you did.

all i want to do is have our daily routines of saying good morning and good night. but i guess that is gone too.

i cant even listen to my favourite songs or watch shows i would normally watch cos its too painful. its that why you didnt like me watching love stories because you knew i would be like this one day?

i am so pissed and confused and hurt that i dont know what to do. i need you to tell me what to do....why?

are you hurting like me? part of me hope you do and part of me doesnt want you to be hurting. cos it hurts me too.

part of me keeps telling me you still love me and its temporary.  and its that same part whose denying everything and not letting me move on. i dont want you move on too.

the moment i step out of the house, everything will be real and i dont want it to.

the question why keeps coming back to my mind. i cant help but read back to our old messages and stories. it comforts me to know that we were happy. but it saddens me that that happiness doesnt continue.

so many things i wanna tell you. you said we would be friends. i dont know if it will be the same. can i still tell you stuff? will you still listen to me? would you still tell me stuff? i dont want you to distant yourself from me. was i not important to you?

oh i was so hoping that you would put me above everyone else. how i wish this turned out differently.

i dont know if i can. i made a promise to you and myself. how can i break that promise?

why did you break my heart...